I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
