I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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