Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
