the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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