Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
