Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
