I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how drunk are you?
Several
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
