You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My vagina just recognized that song.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
