i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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