The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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