Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
