help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
