She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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