they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
