the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
