I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
