During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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