I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
