She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
