Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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