We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it glows. i had to have it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
