uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
