what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
