Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
