we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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