just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
love makes seman taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
