Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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