She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
