the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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