dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
