Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
