I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
