Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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