I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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