did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
