Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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