I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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