Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
