hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
