It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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