I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
