If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
