the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
