I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
