so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i've created a new STD.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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