apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
