I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
