But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
