I want to stick my p in your. b.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
