they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
