Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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