mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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