You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
