Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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