brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
