I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
