it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
