Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
