Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
