So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
