The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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