Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
