so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
