so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
