I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
