Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
