Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
