Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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