At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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