He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
