That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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