When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
