So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
