I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
