I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
