so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
